amy's wrath
yesterday was not a good day for me at work. ppl were being passive aggressive towards me, which gets me really angry; i had a temporary moment of what karen used to call 'white rage' where everything else goes blurry except the color white right in front of my eyes and i almost turn to my boss (one of the ppl who was being passive aggressive) and say ' fine, you do this' and wanted to walk right out of work.
luckily a coworker was t here to break the ice when she noticed how white and silent i had become and the moment passed. it really got to me, i went to my heated-room yoga class last night hoping to find inner peace. it worked but i was still frustrated inside. if you have something, say it. don't bully me into making the statements you want to hear by passive-aggressive.
i had a good crying session to get it all out yesterday and ranted to a friend. at least i was able to see that a) i was bullied because i was an easy target and b) it wasn't personal, i happened to be scapegoat at the right place and the right time. doesn't make it ok, doesn't make it acceptable, but at least i understand.
still trying to figure out whether i should be passive-aggressive back to the ppl (and beat them at their game) or i should just call them out and if they have the nerve, force them to come out of passive-aggressive nature and say what they will.
posted by Amy @ 2:51 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
welcome to my world. every day is "white rage" day for me.
many large corps have this political bullshit that always turns into this passive agressive finger pointing. and you're right, you either play the game, or you sniff them out.
I usually do the latter. I'm very direct these days. :P
unfortunately, the only way to get ahead in any organization is to play by the rules and culture of the workplace. if that means being passive-aggressive, then so be it. being direct just identifies you as not "one of them" and might backfire one day when you find your ass on the sidewalk in front of the company. the real problem is lack of leadership and integrity in the higher echelons which leads to passive aggressive assholes having control. there's tons of this crap at my workplace too - backstabbing, crazy ambition, competition, and bullying (although this is more subtle in the academic world).
I was an expert at avoiding conflict. The guys loved calling me "invisible". As long as my immediate manager is happy with me, that's all I need.
I think in the end, in these bigger companies, we are all expendable and the only person you need to answer to is yourself. if you are satisfied with the way you handled yourself, then you should be proud of it. Sometimes, I say to myself that I'd rather go down in flames than quietly. :P
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